Da Vinci does: Paris Hilton & her latest victim

Da Vinci may be rolling in his grave over my sullied version of his "Lady with an Ermine", but it's more likely Paris' new ferret goat ratdog weasel candidate-for-puppy-prozac is probably planning his demise (see Nicole Richie's cat). It's a grim fate for an animal, less preferable than dedicating itself to taxodermy. Despite Paris' God-given gift for misplacing pets, this pug may sleep easily at night knowing that if he should meet his end in a locked Benz parked in the sun for 8 hours on a hot summer day, he has a shot at being buried next to James Dean (Marilyn Monroe was already taken). I only pray this lil pug wiser than the rabid-devil-monkey, and goes for her jugular before he expires.

Lady with an Ermine defiled with Photoshop CS and Painter 9

*on a side note, somewhere in the Hilton crib a dead kitten is face-down in its water dish, and Paris is pretty sure it's just sleeping.

**Okay I feel bad about that jugular comment, mostly because my mom just yelled at me for posting 'mean things' on the internet because 'they will come back to haunt' me (I should be so lucky). But seriously now, you have to admit you love her somewhere in the darkest depths of your soul... Honestly, her persona has occupied more hours of entertainment than can be possibly counted--and just how empty would life be sans-the-daily-article on some latest debacle? So it goes, the love-hate-fascination inspired as much by horror as by vicarious-longings one wouldn't dare own up to. As terrifying as that thought is...

Fountainebleau School does: Ken Paves & Jessica Simpson

I have always thought of Ken Paves as the third Simpson sister. Honestly, its not a huge stretch. Plus you can tell Jessica and Ken spoon at bedtime (in a fluffy pet, platonic kind of way, obviously). When I found the famous painting "Gabrielle d'Estrée and one of her Sisters", it begged to be remade in their image. Every night is a giggley sleepover with these two: Jessica paints his toenails, Ken experiments with a new weave on her hair, they slather their faces in avocado-creams, leave catty comments on Vanessa Manillo's message boards, watch "Pretty In Pink," and finally tickle each other to sleep. Go ahead, sneer if you want to. But we all know you're jealous. I'll be the bigger person and admit, yes, I am jealous too.

click pic to enlarge

Gabrielle d'Estrée and one of her Sisters defiled with Photoshop CS and Painter 9

••UPDATE: Thanks to Gallery of the Absurd, Perez Hilton, and Guy with a Broken Smile for posting Ken+Jess.

Botticelli does: Kate Moss & Pete Doherty

These two fascinate me. I lovingly think of them as cartoons with a pulse, albeit a rather erratic one (coke & heroine, recipe for an arrythmia). Naturally, I thought my first post should pay tribute to the Mickey and Minnie of Sex, Drugs, and Rehab. And when i stumbled upon this Botticelli masterpiece , my job was made so much easier since Mars was passed out and uncannily resembled the rarely-sober Pete.

Click to enlarge image. Have fun ferreting out the somewhat hidden drug paraphenalia scattered about.

Botticelli's Venus and Mars defiled with Photoshop CS and Painter 9

*Update Thanks to Married to the Mob NYC for posting Kate and Pete