The Adventures of Ozkar

Ozkar considers who has the best pills in Hollywood (besides him, obviously).

He's not a real Oscar, but he's all I got, for now (I moonlight as a crafty cat burglar)... Ozkar was plucked from a centerpiece 7 years ago, and since then we've been inseperable. So while I await the return of my functional laptop + requisite deface-friendly software, let Ozkar entertain you. He's a contemplative soul.


Ozkar considers healthier choices in light of his newfound backfat and assflaps



Ozkar considers Paris Hilton, laughs, feels dirty.... Must shower...



Ozkar considers a world without Pottery Barn vs. a world made entirely of Ikea.



Ozkar considers himself above average.



Ozkar considers the miracle of tupperware.



Ozkar considers pectoral implants.



Ozkar considers fashioning his very own bat-signal.



Ozkar considers 'Ghost Ship.'




Ozkar considers the celebrity 'sex tape.'



Ozkar considers the 'dude ranch.'



Ozkar considers yoga, de-considers yoga after realizing he was not built to bend.



Ozkar considers flushing it all away.



Ozkar considers the sweet liquid-cancer he guzzles by the barrel.

LSD, Links, & Life After Laptop

Yes, my functional laptop is still dead and awaiting resurrection. God forbid i get messy with some real paint like i did in the good old days. I'm lazy like that. For now, enjoy some links... You know you want too...

Government procured LSD-art / cowboybooks

How to stalk Lohan without really trying / DrunkenSpetfather

Suri Cruise looks worn, sans Photoshop / Dlisted

Things to do with Ketchup when bored / Zug

I may need to start watching this show / Grumpy Old Indian Man

Tara Reid, the Animated Series / Gallery of the Absurd

Say it Ain't so... / Holy Candy

Another TV Dr. comes out / Fag Hags & Handbags

Come on, just 1 more brick: When good schools go bad / Three-Toed Sloth

Helsinki Complaints Choir / 7 Deadly Sinners

Kim Cattrall + rectum tumult / Four-Eyed Bat

Bayul Backwash / Such A Publicity Stunt

Rachel Ray's husband = foot fetish / Attu Sees All

Suddenly, Barbie seemed rather chaste in comparison... / Mollygood

Death of My New Laptop

This is a watercolor i did in highschool, which has nothing to do with celebrities or my laptop, but the girl has the look i had on my face when i 'did NOT drop' my recently deceased laptop.

She may not be much, she may not be that new, but she's all i got. She's my 17" powerbook, and she died a most painful death wednesday night, taking with her my latest and un-backed-up piece, "Britney Be-heads Kevin." Luckily, she is about to be born-again via the free AppleCare repair. And if you are reading this Apple, it's not because i dropped her, i never dropped her, ever, got that, me+drop+powerbook=never happened, EVER.

I am now left with a parapalegic imac (circa millenium) and leprosy-ridden older powerbook, neither of which has any interest in mustering the energy to run Photoshop or Painter, neither of which are fully paid off yet (much like my new broken powerbook that I did NOT drop, i.e. knock-off a couch when i stood up to stretch).

But have no fear, Apple should come to my rescue, shipping back a rejuvenated version of my titanium life-blood within two weeks. In the meantime, through much therapy and medication, I will prepare myself to redo my Brit-Kfed defaced masterpiece and create a "Lohan Holiday" ala Rockwell, which shall be posted here, come hell or harddrive, by 14 days from today (you figure it out, I was never good with remembering the "30 days past September" mnemonic). I promise, I swear, by God and Blog alike.